Wrestling Season Starts Soon

August 5, 2006
Well, Cerritos College Wrestling starts in about a week. Don’t ask me why I’m going out for the team, don’t ask me why I haven’t given up on wrestling. After what happened in high school with wrestling, I’m suprised I haven’t given up on living.

I remember that day like a soldier’s flashbacks. The only girl on the boys wrestling team (me) walked into the room on an arbitrary day and sat down in the same arbitrary spot that the team had chosen for her in the corner. Coach Brogden walked in the room and stood in the center.

“Nicole, go see your counselor.”

“…why?”

“You’ll see when you get there, just go.”

“………what for though?”

“C’mere Nicole, Lemme explain something to you.”

He walked toward the door, I got up and followed while I formed my submission speech in my head (the one that says he’s always right and I’m always wrong and keeps me on the team another day), he opened the door and stepped out, I stepped out, he stepped back in and closed the door on me, and I couldn’t bring myself to go back to high school after that.

I don’t know why I didn’t just quit after that day, I quit a lot of things after that day, even school. Well in case no ones noticed, I’m crazy, and no I’m not guiltless in the long list of accusations against me. I break all the rules without meaning to. I always have an opinion about everything and a sense of justice that unfortunately has a voice of its own. Its not my fault, its in the cosmos! I’m a Gemini (although doctors say I’m Autistic), and everyone knows about Gemini’s and their chaotic personalities. At least after knowing me they do.

But contrary to popular belief, I didn’t join the wrestling team to prove that I could be a boy (that was the football team sophomore year), I joined the wrestling team because it was the hardest thing the school had to offer. More than a challenge, because people take challenges to prove they can do them. I joined the team just to do it, not to prove that I could do it. Is this making any sense to anyone?

Well anyway, I’m a wrestler. I wrestled 160’s in high school and I’m about 5′11”. So I’m one of those tall, lanky wrestlers who leg ride a lot and get taken down easily. I beat the guy who was going to go Varsity 171’s, but I only weighed 165 and couldn’t wrestle up a weight and the 160 guy was the team captain (that guy was an asshole). So so much for my varsity letter. Even so, I came to realize that even if the coach would have let me wrestle, the wrestlers wouldn’t have.

That’s why I didn’t go out for the Cerritos College team last year, I wasn’t coming off a Varsity team and I wouldn’t have been accepted. Its like “hey what place did you get at states?” “Uh I didn’t wrestle at states.” “Okay, what did you place at CIF?” “Uh, I didn’t go to CIF.” “Were you at least on the Varsity Team?” “Um, no not really,” “Then WTF are you doing here?!”

At least that what I thought they’d say, and really, what the heck was I going to do there? Beat a college wrestler for a spot in the lineup?…maybe.

Well the past year that I’ve spent without wrestling has been spent in agony waiting for a purpose in life to come along. My heart keeps going back to wrestling, waiting for the open season to start, or wating for a freestyle tournament, waiting to win some matches. My problem was that I would always freeze up when I got on the mat in a real match. I would kick guys asses in the room, but then step on the mat and it would all swish away like a low single-leg. It sucked.

Well the Cerritos Season is starting soon, and I’m just not ready to give up on wrestling yet. Yes, I’m thinking of going out for the Cerritos College team. I’m a good wrestler, I know I’m not NEARLY good enough to contend at the college level……..but it doesn’t mean I can’t hang. it doesn’t mean I might not get good enough. I’m good at Judo and submission wrestling (mainly b/c it doesn’t matter if you go to your back), but can I cross it over into college style wrestling? Who knows, but the question is should I even try?

I’m thinking that if I go out for the Cerritos team, yeah I’ll get my ass handed to me for like the first few weeks or a month or so, but then I’ll get better. I always do. The problem is that I don’t know if I want to deal with all the bull shit over again. I’m cutting my hair again so that I don’t draw attention when I walk into that room (I pass rather easily), but should I even try?

Then again, will I regret not going out? In 15 years when it doesn’t matter anymore, will I still tell myself I should have….?
I think I’ll be crazy and give this crazy idea a shot.

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